I put this in my writing blog because to me, its pure literary perfection.

I stole this from Jason

Hey, are you unwilling to post 25 things about yourself? Are you wanting something to counteract that meme that has made it across damn near every Facebook profile out there? Do you want to spend the next hour trying to come up with something vaguely creative/funny? Then try this meme: 25 Un-Things! Your goal is to come up with 25 things about yourself that are completely untrue. That’s it. Simple, right? If you’ve been tagged (or if you weren’t, but you think it’s a clever idea), do me a favor and spread this shit like wildfire.

1. Whenever I get an erection… I still pee in my pants.

2. Back in the day, Benjamin and I used to attach keys to kites and race each other. One day the dumb idiot took his out while it was storming, and got electrocuted! Then he discovered something incredible, but I never found out what it was, because I had to go back in time to 26000 BC, back to my original time.

3. I knew a man who took viagra… and he never peed again.

4. I love to ride on the backs of sea monkeys when they are fresh from the summer’s dew. However, It’s also always fun to surf the wet turf of the Hawaiian ocean floor when the tide is washed up and leaving that unforgettable emptiness in the middle of the sea.

5. I tend to carbo load when I’m low on carbon.

6. The only problem with time travel, is that when you’re traveling through time, all that time you spend traveling, you can’t ever get that back.

7. I am 115 years old, but because I was born on February 29th on a leap year, I’m actually 460.

8. George was tired of fighting, he was ready to go home. But I said George, lets finish this thing, lets give ‘em everything we’ve got. Make them surrender, make them surrender Yorktown! And so George sent his troops in, and they had themselves a real battle. There was blood spilled that night, I can still hear the screams. But if it weren’t for those brave souls, you and I would not know the word freedom.

9. I spill milk on purpose and then cry about it.

10. If I had a nickel for e’ery time I seen my brotha pick up a girl, well I recon I’d be a rich man.

11. In some lands I’m known as Igglybuttscotch.

12. I’m a PC.

13. Jump rope is a man’s sport. That’s why I stick with hopscotch.

14. Every year on the fourth of June I sit atop my roof and play my fiddle thanking the Creator of the Universe for all the gifts and buried treasure he has given me. On one such night, two years ago I believe, I looked up at the sky and saw a shooting star. It was the only shooting star I had ever seen, so that being the case, I wished for something a bit large, or to be specific, immortality. The next day I woke up feeling better than ever, so knowing that the Almighty Creator had given me my wish, I quickly hung a noose around my neck and jumped out my window.

15. Is it so wrong for a man to love another man?

16. I can kill myself, that wasn’t bullshit. And every time I die, I become a ghostly hallow spirit walking the night, able to embody anyone I choose.

17. When I shower, I wash myself.

18. And forty-seven hot dogs later, I was champion.

19. Once I have embodied someone, I become them, until I decide to leave. And while I am that person I can do whatever I please with them. One of my favorite things to do is to get in a car and drive the body out into the middle of nowhere in the desert without food or water and then leave the body.

20. The only way to successfully travel through time is to beat Father Time in a foot race. It’s really easy though, the guy’s like a billion years old.

21. By the age of 8 I was diagnosed obese.

22. If you fall off a plane without a parachute just do like I did and bring a jet pack with you, that way you just have to turn on the jet pack and you’re good to go.

23. Back when I was living amongst the lepers, I was finally able to write my Cosmo article on why men lie about cheating with their ex.

24. Adolf was ready to exterminate every single one of them. He had already succeeded in killing millions of them, but I wouldn’t allow it anymore. I had to make a stand, if no one else would, it had to be me. I stormed right into my Nazi general’s war room and pulled out my Walther Pistole 38 and shot him in the side of the head. I placed the gun in his hand, making it look like a suicide, and quickly ran to a building three blocks away. I rushed to the top of the building and jumped off, splattering the German body I was once apart of, so that I could free my ghostly spirit and find a new body to steal.

25. I eventually found a body and traveled back to my original time of 26000 BC. And after that was all over, well lets just say I was very thankful to once again get an erection and pee all over my pants.